(no subject)

[dingdongdead]

all i can do is cry. cry because there is nothing else. i hate my life so much right now. i hate every single part of it. i even hate chris. or i don't hate him exactly, i just hate everything he is doing right now. i hate how he is totally fucking up his whole life and doesn't care. and i hate how stupid he is and how he probably thinks i am just being selfish and honestly maybe i am. but i can't stand not loving him and i need him but he is so so so far away. and he won't find a real job so he can't come see me and keep me from doing stupid things and keep me from hurting myself because scars can heal in 2 weeks and he'll never know about anything and he probably wouldn't care anyway because he doesn't care about anything i ever say to him. i don't even think he listens to me anymore. and there is a skunk outside and thats all i smell but its not that strong because my nose is all stuffy because i can't stop crying and my mouth is filling with my tears and its all salty and i'm getting such a headache and i know he doesn't care.