dingdongdead

this is the worst feeling there is. i am just angry all the time. angry and then bored and miserable then angry and then bored again. and i can't seem to blame myself so i blame chris. and maybe it isn't his fault but i feel like he makes me miserable all the time. i am bored, but then he goes snowboarding and i am miserable and then i talk to him and i'm angry. then i am bored again and then he tells me about his job (which i hate) and then i am angry again. he has the stupidest job ever. he works at some hardware store where he doesn't really do anything but he also doesn't get paid. and the rare times the old man he works for feels like paying him its in cash. and now he is paying him like once a month or something and its not like he really gets paid anything. yet he doesn't feel like finding a new job cause he is too lazy. even though he owes his mother thousands and doesn't really have money for rent or food or a vcr or to buy me birthday presents, he still doesn't feel like finding a new job. and his car broke so i'll go out there and be miserable and bored and alone just like i am at home, except more bored cause i won't have tv, and sometimes less alone because jill who i don't in any way get along with anymore will be there to boss me around. oh yay. i seriously don't even want to go to fucking colorado right now. i really don't, i am going to hate it there and be more miserable, bored, and angry than i am here. and then me and chris will end up breaking up and then i will have nothing in my life and i'll probably just kill myself because at that point i can't think of a single thing to live for, seeing as my dad hates me and just wants me out of this house, it will probably leave everyone better off.